I’m sitting on the beach in Montego Bay and doing what I’ve done a lot the last few days.. thinking about life. Nothing lulls you into reflection like the sound of the waves, warm sun and not being pulled into a million directions.
I know I said I was going to leave everything behind but as a mom, you really can’t. Life is still happening at home and there are certain things you just need to weigh in on and be involved with even if you’re 2,000 miles away. I know the Rooster’s stressed out these days and while he tries not to take it out on everyone, invariably it happens. It’s not all his fault… Stressed out dads combined with hormonal teen and Tweens does not make a good combination. So I get the texts and I’m okay with that.. It’s my calling to be there for them no matter where I am or what I’m doing.
Because no matter where you go, there you are.
But I’ve thought a lot this weekend about how much I butt into the relationship that he has with the kids. I’ve learned over time that when I’m in a bad mood, I can’t take it out on them.. I need to let him learn that, too and instead focus on being their port in the storm when it happens. It’s not my relationship that’s being affected is it? I feel sorry for him that it may have longer ramifications than he realizes but what can I do about it?
Or am I thinking too much of it?
How much of our childhood do any of us remember? Sure there are the major events, but do we remember every fight we had with our parents? Every bad mood or cross word that was said? I know I don’t.
All I remember is that I swore I wouldn’t be like my parents and guess what? I’m not but in a lot of ways I am.. I like to think that I have a better relationship with my kids than I did with my mom growing up, but I’m not even sure about that. I know I’m more involved so that’s a big improvement at least.
It’s in my nature to be in charge and swoop in to save the day and I’ve realized that I can’t do that. People need to figure things out for themselves in order to make it in life. So if that means my kids fail a grade because they can’t figure out that, yes – turning in your homework IS important to your final grade – then I guess that’s what has to happen. I don’t want to see people fail but by focusing so much on them, I lose touch with the things that I need to focus on. As for my kids all I can do is give them the tools, help them understand the world and how it works and be there – just in case.
For now, I’m going to enjoy this last day of spending some long overdue QT with my best friend and hope the peace and tranquility that I have now lasts at least a week when I get home.