Is there a teen living here?

Remember the days when Fisher-Price decorated your house and your living room looked like Geoffrey the Giraffe (that’s Toys R Us speak in case you’ve forgotten) puked all over it? Those days are like wine and roses compared to what your house life with a teenlooks like when you have a teen living with you.

Here are the signs that a teen is living in your house:

  1. The white stuff in the trees aren’t buds getting ready to bloom. It’s toilet paper from when you last got TP-ed. Of course, now that we’re in the midst of COVID-19, you would LOVE to have your house TP-ed.
  2. There are more panties on the floor than in a sorority house during rush week.
  3. Your house IS a sorority house.
  4. There are enough empty bottles in the bottom of the shower to fill a landfill.
  5. You think you’re losing your hearing, asking “what?!” all the time but it’s just the fact they mumble.
  6. You have no money.
  7. They have no money.
  8. Who has the money?
  9. That bad habit they had as toddlers for throwing things in the grocery cart still exists.
  10. Their wardrobe is much better than yours. But they bitch about how you dress.
  11. Sending them to their room is no longer a punishment.
  12. They cry because they can’t do their homework. You cry because you can’t either.
  13. You walk in their room to say something, see the mess and just turn around and walk back out.
  14. Sally has nothing on the amount of special food requests you get for dinner.
  15. 5,000 texts on your monthly cell phone bill no longer phases you.
  16. You breathe wrong.
  17. The sound of laughter is as valuable as the Hope Diamond.
  18. The laughter stops as soon as you try to join in.
  19. They sleep so long you think they’re dead.
  20. The foods they loved last week that you stocked up on, they hate this week. But next month, they’ll love them again.
  21. You can’t keep their friends straight because they all look the same.
  22. Sex, drugs and rock and roll used to be something to celebrate. Now you police it like the plague.
  23. Your parents hated Duran Duran the way you hate One Direction and the Biebs.

Having teens in the house has its perks.. when they allow you, it’s awesome when you can have a conversation about current events. Go shopping and have a “who can find the best deal” contest. Connecting with my teen doesn’t happen that often anymore, but when it does – it’s magic.