Scary Mommy’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays

You show me one person that L-O-V-E-S everything about the holidays and I’ll show you a liar. As much as I love the THEORY of the holidays, nothing causes more stress and anxiety in my life than the period of time between November 20-something and December 31st. Whether it’s the pressure of having to schlep merry fricking christmasmy entire family out-of-town for Thanksgiving (not to mention finding someone to take care of our animals and house) or the stress at finding time to shop, prep and entertain for Christmas, I am nothing short of a bitch with a pasted on smile in the hopes of covering my lunacy. Think of Nicole Kidman in The Stepford Wives and you have a pretty good idea what I’m talking about.

As moms, our normal day is filled with too many attempts at making other people happy and never ourselves.  This maniacal desire to make everyone else happy reaches a new level of insanity when the holidays roll around. We feel the need to make sure our houses are pimped out to the Nth degree.. pouring over Pinterest looking for the ultimate tree decorations and then moving on to recipes that will make everyone envy your culinary skills.

And then there’s the Elf. While I may make fun of that stupid Elf on the Shelf, I am secretly just really, really grateful that the damn thing showed up after my kids were too old because I am sure I would have added that to my already huge list of things to worry about at Christmas.

Whether you celebrate at home or head out-of-town, I guarantee that at some point over the next 40 days, you’re going to wish you could curl up in a fetal position with a bottle of wine and a set of earplugs buried deep in your closet or bathroom. Which is totally cool and strongly encouraged but before you go, let me suggest you grab your e-reader and download Scary Mommy’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays.

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I got a copy of it a couple of days ago and read it in less than a day and immediately felt like I was ready to face the holidays. Jill Smokler – aka Scary Mommy – brings together some of the best and funniest bloggers who contribute to her site. Split into 2 sections, Thanksgiving and Christmas/Hanukkah, you will wet your pants laughing at some very recognizable scenarios.

While it’s hard to choose my favorites but here are 3 of the ones that struck me the most:

Thanksgiving Etiquette Manifesto by Leslie Marinelli – Oh my God.. who hasn’t been absolutely appalled by the lack of manners over the holidays? It’s like being family gives you a pass at civility. (Someday, remind me to tell you about the Christmas when the Rooster bought a $200 prime rib only for it to be almost ruined by the 2 hours late arrival of his brother. There were almost 2 deaths that day.. 1 for the Rooster for spending that much money on meat that wasn’t a live cow and the other for his brother being so late.)

But as HELL YEAH! as I was over that post, Janie Emaus comes along and points out that no matter how crazy and rude they may be, we still love them Because They Are FamilyIt’s not just us girls that stress over the holidays, it’s everyone. We’re all trying to fit in or make everyone happy. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy and honestly, if we’d all just take a deep breath and maybe another little nip of wine we’d realize this. Thanks Janie 🙂

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Jennifer Simon takes it one step further when she’s forced into Redefining Thanksgiving after the birth of her son who weighed in at a tiny 4.11#. Before this, Jennifer spent her Thanksgivings with what was apparently a very rowdy family but once she had to consider the frail nature of her son, that changed. I loved how she and her husband redefined their holiday and made it theirs.

In addition to the stories we know all to well, there are also recipes .. so see… it’s a story book AND a recipe book!!

Are you convinced yet that you need to stop drinking that nasty-ass Starbucks at least for one day and download this book for $2.99?? No? Well then as a last resort, I give you the very funny, yet “unofficial” trailer for the book.

And if that doesn’t refresh your memory to the trauma known as “the holidays”, I don’t know what will. Oh wait!! I have something else! A portion of all sales will benefit Scary Mommy Nation’s (an official 501(c)3 charity) Thanksgiving Project.


Heads up… I was gifted a copy of this book so that I could review it for you. But I would review this book for free, believe me.