I thought 30 seconds about writing this post. There are a lot of people angry with Paula Deen right now and for the most part, they have a right to be. But before you fry the woman in butter, let’s talk about this.
Paula Deen is in a LOT of hot water right now. In case you live under a rock or have been off the grid the past few days, Paula is in court right now because one of her former managers is suing Paula and her brother for sexual and racial harassment that incurred during the employees time with them over the past several years.
While under oath, Paula was asked the questions “have you ever told a racial joke?” and “have you ever used a racial slur?” and she answered “no” to the first one and “yes” to the second.
And that’s when Paula’s sweet, buttery life began to fall apart.
She admitted to using racial slurs in the past. She fessed up under oath, when a lot of celebrities would have done what was expected and lied about it and said that “NO! I have NEVER used racial slurs”.
I am a woman of the South. Paula is the same age as my parents. Paula was born and raised even further south than my parents. I am not proud to admit it, but I remember my parents using not-so-nice words to describe people. Lucky for them, they aren’t in the limelight.
I was uncomfortable with it in 1978 when I was 10 and I’m uncomfortable with it when I’m 44. My girls have never known color. I have never described people  based on the color of their skin. My girls were at least 8 or 9 before they asked me why someone was darker than them. I’m not patting myself on the back but rather pointing out that life today is a LOT different from life then. And that’s a good thing.
I am in no means condoning what Paula Deen did, but I also think that living in today’s time is pretty tough – especially if the life you live is front and center. In today’s overly connected world, there is NO room for error. It’s bad enough if you say something but boy oh boy look out if you tweet it or update your status on Facebook with something “scandalous”. There is no delete button in life anymore. You can’t just take a bottle of white-out and brush it away. Ask any major brand who’s gone thru the embarrassment of having a rogue tweet go out.
Personally, I think Paula is getting a BAD deal. You show me one person who is without the sin of saying or doing something they regret. He or she who is without sin can cast that first stone. The only good thing that I can think of for this is that we are a forgetful society. From Martha Stewart to Tiger Woods to Kobe Bryant and Michael Vick. Every one of them has done as bad if not WORSE than Paula and is right back on top. Maybe with an asterisk by their name, but on top nonetheless.
Professionally, I hope that she has fired her entire PR team because honestly, the majority of the fall out is because of how the aftershock was handled… NOT because of what she said or did. The manner in which she has publicly been put out there is even more of a train wreck than Sofa-Jumping Tom Cruise.
What do you think? Does she deserve everything that’s happening to her or is our media going way overboard?
Watching Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer run for NYC mayor, I’m not even sure I know what the definition of scandal is. I honestly thought Weiner had a shot at winning (top of the polls) until the news broke that he was sexting AFTER leaving office. So is it only recidivists who are ruined? 3x? 4x?
Americans love a good comeback, so I wouldn’t count Paula out permanently. But yes, she is a good reminder on how the world has changed with the advent of social media.
Kathy Zucker recently posted..Bullied: What Every Parent, Teacher, and Kid Needs to Know About Ending the Cycle of Fear, by Dr. Michele Borba
Thank you for saying everything I’ve wanted to say but haven’t been able to put the words together or the courage to say it, Kristen. I agree wholeheartedly.
Don’t be afraid… your blog is your spot to say what you want to say. If someone doesn’t like it, you can refund their money. Oh that’s right.. it’s free. They can move along 🙂
you are right, still you wrote a fab post my friend, so kudos to you! (PS thanks for confidence boost…lol)
I am so glad that you could put this so eloquently. You said exactly what I have felt from the get-go. Thank you!

Laurie of Lulu and Daisy recently posted..NSV #13
I just really, really hope that all the allegations are false.
Addendum: I’m only talking about her “comments.” I have no idea what really happened with the lawsuit allegations. She has a ton of money and I’m sure there’s a ton of people out there wanting to get their hands on it….

Amy recently posted..Friday Funnies – Cat Bearding Edition
I really love your take on this situation. I said some of your exact same words while discussing it with my husband last night. My parents are older too and I swear the older you get, the less filter you have. My mom says things that are offensive and sometimes down right crazy. It’s called senility. Paula just needs to lay low and everything will wash over. Some other celebrity will do something dumb to take the spotlight away and she’ll rise again. I feel sorry for her, actually. I think she’s probably a nice person.
Thanks, Amy!! Yeah.. the Rooster and I do a double take every now and then with some of the things that come out of our parents mouths. Although, I’ve noticed that my filter gets thinner with each passing year.. luckily I still have my brain in check and know when it should be there.. ie. saying hurtful things to others. If the allegations in the documents turn out to be true, as much as I think she’s a cute, ol’ southern gal, I will no longer have any empathy for her. But that’s for a jury of peers to decide… not the press.
I hear what you’re saying and if her mistakes were limited to saying the “N” word and making a few bad choices in the past, I’d agree with every bit of your post. I do think it’s admirable that she told the truth and shouldn’t be punished by the media. However, the things she and her brother are accused of in the lawsuit are horrifying to me – making black employees use a separate bathroom and a back entrance at the restaurant when white employees could come in the front door and use the customer bathrooms – to me these are inexcusable no matter her age or upbringing. However, we don’t know if these accusations are true, so I agree that media needs to back off and let the legal process play out. Thanks for tackling this issue!!

Mary @ A Teachable Mom recently posted..When Does Parenting Cross the Line From Encouraging to Controlling?
I know.. I said it earlier that the older offenses don’t bother me as much as that piece of it. NONE of it’s good or acceptable. At all.
For me her recent desire to throw her brother a plantation party using African American waiters to simulate slaves was the most damning part of the story and not the N-word that was used decades ago. People do make change and learn. I wouldn’t judge someone who said that in the remote past if in the intervening years they had grown. I don’t that’s the case here, though. The party was a more recent idea (2010 I believe). I think you have to have an inappropriate nostalgia for slavery (to put it mildly) to think that is appropriate and desirable. Gross. I’m totally fine with her being fired from her show and losing her endorsement deals. –Lisa

The Dose of Reality recently posted..Pinterest Nightmare #704: The Happy Hot Dog Man And His Friends
Yeah.. that was pretty bad. To me, even worse of an offense because it was so recent. But, Paula will be fine just like all the other celebrities in the world who’ve done equally offensive things. But for the love of God, can we please just stop hearing about it?!

Kristen Daukas recently posted..Paula Deen and the Curse of Social Media
To answer the question, I think she deserves what she’s getting. I don’t, however, think it will hurt her in the long run. She is a cash cow (no, that’s not a fat joke). There are enough people willing to stick by her through it, but I think she has learned a valuable lesson. I think she’ll reemerge a wiser mogul with a little less perk and a lot better judgement.

Lori Wescott recently posted..#PaulaDeen, Here’s Your Boulder
Yep.. she’ll be just fine. honestly, at her age, she should just call it a day and live in her own little butter world.

Kristen Daukas recently posted..Paula Deen and the Curse of Social Media
I literally agree with everything you just said. I don’t condone it, not one bit, but given her age and that she’s in the south it’s kind of a well duh situation. What was she supposed to say?? At least she told the truth. I’m pretty disappointed with food network though. Way to dump her when the going gets tough!

Tracy @ The UnCoordinated Mommy recently posted..Cascade Platinum Action Pacs & A Teething Baby #Sponsored
Steve and I talked about the Food Network.. had this been 4 years ago, maybe a different scenario but at this point, she’s not THE show anymore but rather she’s more “old school” Food Network. I think she’ll do fine.. she’s made a ton of a cash.. take a year off, go hang out at Pawley’s Island and let the dust settle. If you feel like working then, come back. Our ADD society will welcome you and your butter back with open arms.
You are spot on, Susan. It’s so true about the school thing. I’ve had to tell my kids the “we have to say it was an appointment” line and it kills me. Someone made a comment to me someplace else that “celebrities should be held accountable for their actions”. No.. all humans should be held accountable for their actions and people need to know their boundaries. At this point, if I were Paula Deen, I’d tell everyone to piss off. I mean, what more can they do to her?

Kristen Daukas recently posted..Paula Deen and the Curse of Social Media
Great post. So true
Kristen,
I could not agree with you more. It does teach people to lie. But you know, when I think about it, so many things in this world do. No more can a kid be late to school because the alarm failed to go off, or they missed the bus, or whatever other very valid reason, because if you take your kid in and tell the truth such as either one of these reasons, the tardiness is not excused. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve lied when taking my late child into school because the last time I told the truth my kid was given detention for being late. Yes, seriously.
Mistakes happen, and sometimes we say things that perhaps we shouldn’t. Not one person on the planet can say they’ve never said something that they later wish they hadn’t said, and yet if they apologize and say they are sorry even that isn’t good enough, no let’s strip them of all their endorsements because Lord knows, that’s why we buy products anyways, because someone like Paula with her too big but sure makes me smile grin is smiling at me.
It is so sad that what could have been a wonderful opportunity for a long overdue discussion about mistakes and accountability has been instead turned into a smear campaign. I hope Paula does fire her entire PR staff….I know I would. To say that she and her team have not handled this properly is an understatement. I’m sure she longs for the day when the dust settles on this fiasco and she can once again move on with her life.
I was disappointed, too Michelle but come on.. we’ve seen people who have killed people and animals who weren’t vilified as much as she is. These companies that are dropping her are her employers and they have a right to do that (and I’m sure they feel they have no choice but to distance themselves from the chaos) but I’d say she’s paid the dues now, so let’s just call it a day and move on to the next news story. Like who names their kid North?

Kristen Daukas recently posted..Paula Deen and the Curse of Social Media
I have always liked Paula Deen and I love her recipes. (And yes, I love butter). I do think that none of us are without mistakes and I know I am plenty guilty. She could have lied, which a lot of people would have done. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was disappointed, because I am. My first thought was “how could she?” I do feel bad for her, and I feel bad for anyone who was affected by her comments. The bottom line is words are hurtful and there are things that were said to me years ago that are still with me, so I get that. But we all need to step back and realize there is no one among us who has not made mistakes. It’s how people grow and change from those mistakes that should be important to us.

Michelle recently posted..Buffalo Chicken Dip with Texas Pete’s Buffalo Wing Sauce
I love how people are making the comments that “even her tears are fake”.. I’m pretty sure that she’s heavily medicated for stress, anxiety and to keep her from having a coronary. You know what this teaches people? To lie. Because if this is how you get treated when you tell the truth, not sure too many people would sign up for that.

Kristen Daukas recently posted..Paula Deen and the Curse of Social Media
That was exactly the point I made. When you get in trouble for telling the truth, why bother? It goes against everything we are trying to teach our kids. I do think she did the right thing by telling the truth, but the punishment here does not fit the crime.
Right! She was wrong to do what she did and her employers have the right to remove her if that’s what they want to do, but the media is out of line. Guess that’s to be expected out of mass produced sensationalized reporters.
I think the media is going way overboard, as is often the case. There are much more pressing issues in the world right now. I’m so sick of this one. I saw the interview where she seemed so incredibly torn up and sorry. Of course a million people would probably think I’m nuts for saying that I really feel for her but there isn’t a single cell of me that is intolerant of any race, sex, sexual identity/orientation, etc. I’m a freedom fighter. And that’s why I find it even more terrible that they’re letting this go on and on. Give her back her life.

Tamara recently posted..It’s a Flood or It’s a Drought.
Hi Kristen,
Precisely. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. That’s no one I know 🙂
But that’s what the press does, they pick out people’s flaws and run with it. It’s a shame to me that it’s this kind of thing that makes the headlines. Have we nothing better to interest us with?
Now tell me how Jesus didn’t pass the test? I wouldn’t say there was anything he did that he regretted.
Liz

Liz recently posted..7 Tips For Getting More Blog Subscribers
They run with it because scandal sells sadly. My point was that Jesus wasn’t without sin as well.. 🙂

Kristen Daukas recently posted..Paula Deen and the Curse of Social Media